Writer and Blogger
But I pull away
In a puff of smoke
Because your hands and mine never fit
Your eyes flash
Your nostrils flare
And icicles hang from your breath
Your banishment thrills me
For staying with you
Can only lead me to death
I think that the sun is angry today
That you go weeks without saying a word
And it’s trying so hard to burn your face
Because at least then it’ll know that it’s heard
I’m sure that the clouds are lonely today
And in that, they’re not alone
I’m gloomy as well, blue, depressed,
Waiting for you to throw me a bone
I’m tired of you controlling the weather, my mind
It’s just too much power for one man
So we all got together, decided we’re better
And will move on the best that we can
But the timing isn’t quite right
It’s not yet my cue
I don’t know my lines, I don’t feel the part
How do you know when you’re you?
You were extra generous
With your smiles that Saturday
You’d said that we were “just hanging out”
And I had said that’d be okay
But as I watched your eyes crinkle
And snow fell from your coat to my floor
As you laughed in that crooked way
I knew that I’d always want more
I had never felt so brave
So confident in both our affection
I took your hand and said some things
And you were confused at this new direction
You eyes clouded over – no more crinkle
You quickly took a step back
Words blew out of your mouth like leaves
As if I’d launched an attack
I stood there as my cocoa grew cool
And my heart did the very same thing
You stumbled and sputtered and mumbled and muttered
Christmas wouldn’t bring what I’d hoped it would bring
My hands smelled like cinnamon
On that December day five years ago
I haven’t seen you since but I’ll always remember
The coldest boy I ever could know
And you saw me in my darkness, Lord
When I was full of shame
You encouraged me to come to you
To whisper just your name
To take off my vest of burden
And in the lake of freedom, swim
So when I’m asked what cured me
I’ll smile and just breathe, “Him”
The air was so wet and heavy
I could hardly take a breath
And I flinched as I glanced at the horizon
And saw the colors of death
The sounds of the people around me
Slowly faded out of reach
Replaced by the noise of waves crashing
Of sea gulls at the beach
I was no longer looking at carnage
But you, laid out on the sand
And, now not holding a weapon,
I shyly extended a hand
You pulled me to you and smiled,
Waved your arms at the peaceful view,
Said, “You can never be here if you don’t win there,
So I think you know what you need to do.”
Just like that, I was back again
In the middle of a battle raging on
No more beach, no birds, no beautiful you
My paradise was gone
But my strength had been refreshed and renewed
I was ready to give a little bit more
Because in the middle of the fight, you came to show me
Just why I was fighting this war
I could tell it was you by the way the phone rang
Aggressive, but underneath, unsure
You could tell it was me by the way you got voicemail
Angry and insecure
I could tell it was you when you didn’t leave a message
Arrogant and too good for words
And you could tell it was me when I called you right back
“Hard to get” is for the birds
My distorted words
Lead to your aborted lust
And icy rejection turns
My sad skin
And weary bones
To dust.
Your mouth smiled
But your eyes did not
And you didn’t think I’d see
That when we all walked in
And your eyes darted up
They didn’t go to me
Your hug left inches
Between our chests
Less intimate than a high five
And whatever we had
Took its last breath
The moment you and she came to life
You leaned in and your mouth tasted red
But your lips were cold and blue
And the yellow of
Your pretend love
Warned of a weakness in you
There was a blackness to your smile
That showed me you’d never be mine
And I would do
While you passed through
But you had someone else to find
I offered you a tepid smile
Trying to hide the green of my need
As I pretended not to care
That a girl out there
Was making your colors bleed
You fumbled through your excuses
But all I could see was the brown
Rough like tree bark
Murky and dark
I let your apology fall to the ground
And when you left for the last time
The purple of your passion shone bright
Your face ablaze
As you ran to face
The one who would set your palette right